(no subject)

The soporific effects of clinical audit are not to be underestimated. So much for jittery.

Schol

It's hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in college. It's soul destroying. It's something you're planning around for months. In conversation before the exams with a 2nd year:
2nd year "Have I don't enough?"
Liz "No!"
2nd year "But you don't know what I've done, I haven't told you yet."
Liz "You haven't done enough. You can never do enough for Schol."

It's hard and it's cruel and it's a long slog and then when you don't get it... for the second year in a row... well, you want beer and chips now and you get angry and hurt and there are tears and phone calls home and I never want to hear my daddy's voice break like that again. And then Liz's husband fed me beer and life was a bit better again for being around people I love with others providing much needed textual support.

And now I want cake. And a hankie. Cos now I'm home and I can let the anger and the feelings of inadequacy out.

Getting it would have made an enormous difference to my life. Not getting it makes no difference to anything. I survived Schol, as did Liz.

And on the upside, I can start looking at places other than Trinity for postgrads! Still want more beer though.