Birth tech
Jul. 22nd, 2008 01:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
squeefulfishPregnancy is not an illness.
Birth is not a disease.
Now I've got that out of the way... Recently I was linked to something that made me goggle more than usual. So much so I had to check that I wasn't hallucinating. It's the BirthTrack. A device designed to save women from those nasty midwives and their horrid hands.
At the minute we're completely backward here - we've to use fingers, ewwww!, to see how a cervix is dilating. Wouldn't it be so much better to have a machine tell us instead? Because machines are great at deciding if a woman's insides are stretchy, or well-effaced, or if the cervix is still posterior. And you get to watch a monitor the whole time! So no more of this uncertainty of 4-5cm of a dilated cervix, you'll know if it's 4 or if it's 5! Wow! And so will your partner! Instead of helping with your needs, look, another shiny med monitor to look at and become obsessed with.
And as for deciding if the baby's head is dropping (it has to be a head, all babies who don't turn are booked for sections, right? No-one could ever manage pushing a breech babby out!) well we'll just stick a probe in its head so we can tell! And it'll mean we can tell exactly what the heartbeat's like because we've screwed a probe into the baby's head. Very nicely giving baby his first ever scar! Who doesn't love a good scar story? "I'm so tough, I've got scars from when I was born!"
While we're at it, let's give 4 nice routes of ascending infection! Membranes have to be ruptured (one! ha ha ha!) so we can stick a probe into the baby (two! ha ha ha!) and attach clips onto the cervix (three and four, ha ha ha!) Of course, it's only to be expected that some reduction in mobility will happen, but at least you don't have those pesky midwives at you with their fingers!
Birth is not a disease.
Now I've got that out of the way... Recently I was linked to something that made me goggle more than usual. So much so I had to check that I wasn't hallucinating. It's the BirthTrack. A device designed to save women from those nasty midwives and their horrid hands.
At the minute we're completely backward here - we've to use fingers, ewwww!, to see how a cervix is dilating. Wouldn't it be so much better to have a machine tell us instead? Because machines are great at deciding if a woman's insides are stretchy, or well-effaced, or if the cervix is still posterior. And you get to watch a monitor the whole time! So no more of this uncertainty of 4-5cm of a dilated cervix, you'll know if it's 4 or if it's 5! Wow! And so will your partner! Instead of helping with your needs, look, another shiny med monitor to look at and become obsessed with.
And as for deciding if the baby's head is dropping (it has to be a head, all babies who don't turn are booked for sections, right? No-one could ever manage pushing a breech babby out!) well we'll just stick a probe in its head so we can tell! And it'll mean we can tell exactly what the heartbeat's like because we've screwed a probe into the baby's head. Very nicely giving baby his first ever scar! Who doesn't love a good scar story? "I'm so tough, I've got scars from when I was born!"
While we're at it, let's give 4 nice routes of ascending infection! Membranes have to be ruptured (one! ha ha ha!) so we can stick a probe into the baby (two! ha ha ha!) and attach clips onto the cervix (three and four, ha ha ha!) Of course, it's only to be expected that some reduction in mobility will happen, but at least you don't have those pesky midwives at you with their fingers!
